Sept. 20, 2022 – On Monday nights, while millions of viewers are marveling at the whirlwind Romance of “Bachelor” couples and their extravagant dates, glamorous dresses, and fitted suits, one mental health expert will beking notes on the relationship behavior the contestants .
Diane Strachowski, EdD., is a licensed cognitive-behavioral psychologist and couples therapist. psychology to share dating and relationship takeaways from “Bachelor” episodes via her Instagram platform.
Fans of the franchise — also known as “Bachelor Nation” — become invested in the relationship journeys of “Bachelor” couples, which can present valuable opportunities for self-reflection, according to Strachowski.
“I’m using the show as a catalyst to start conversations about ‘What is good coupling? What is a good marriage? What are good determinations on what makes for a viable relationship?’” says Strachowski, who has dubbed herself the “Bachelor psychologist.”
Even after two decades, the “Bachelor” A minimum of 3,000,000 viewers are required to watch any episode of the franchise. Fans are reacting to the debut of two bachelorettes — Gabby and Rachel Windey — on one season.
Out of all the franchises, the success rate for couples is around 30%. 75 “Bachelor” couples, 24You are still together. Successful or unsuccessful matchmaking can depend on how successful the competition component is.
“It’s cortisoland endorphins dopamineand serotonin. It’s all those neurotransmitters, chemicals that we see in all relationships when falling in love,” says Strachowski, who lives in Menlo Park, CA, in the Bay Area. The show, however, amplifies these effects vs. “real-life,” where couples often move at a slower pace.
“The dates themselves are filled with adrenaline: bungee jumping, helicopter rides. All of these experiences bond couples together because your heart is racing and because that feels like excitement, that feels like love.”
“Bachelor” stars often pledge to “follow their heart” in their decision-making. But, it’s much more complex than that, says Strachowski.
“’It’s got to be a head, heart, gut decision, not just to who you’re attracted to,’” Strachowski says. “That’s why we see some of these couples breaking up. They haven’t had enough time to really go through a profound decision-making process.”
Boosting “Bachelor” Couples Success Rate
It’s critical that “Bachelor” leads and contestants understand the difference between chemistry and compatibility, says Kelle Carver, a marriage and family therapist and owner of The Honored Place Therapy in Kansas.
“They feel similar when you’re in the beginning stages. It feels like the person I’m with meets all my needs, and is perfect for me. You can find love when you move beyond the honeymoon phase. The dynamics that you came from and your family system or from generations past,” says Carver.
Noreen Dupriest of Simply Be Marriage and Family Psychotherapy also in Kansas, believes that true compatibility is something deeper. True compatibility allows each partner the freedom to be themselves, and focusing on similarities can lead to a falling apart in a relationship.
Sometimes, differences can actually work in a couple’s favor. Therapists offer the following example: Styles of attachmentHow someone forms emotional bonds with other people. There are four types of attachment, but they all highlight the difference between anxious and avoidant attachment.
Avoid attachment:While they seem confident, people struggle to show or accept emotions.
Anxious attachment: Person is more emotionally needy, fears that others don’t want to be with them.
“Anxious attachment is, ‘I’m not enough or will they see me?’ They typically look for, and are very compatible with, a person with avoidant attachment. That avoidant attachment fears abandonment so much that they can rescue that anxious attachment,” says Dupriest.
Post-Show, Bachelor Stars Reflect on True Love
“Bachelor” franchise stars also shared their experiences in exclusive interviews with WebMD. Season 20 Bachelor Ben Higgins said that compatibility questions arose post-show and that he quickly realized what he really needed in a partner.
“It changed for me where I wanted somebody who had a heart for people, was genuine, was caring. A person who will stand by the poor and help them no matter what. I knew if they felt that way towards other people, they would feel that way towards me,” he says.
Ashley Iaconetti-Haibon, who hosts the “Almost Famous Podcast” alongside Higgins, says romantic sparks in her relationship with fellow “Bachelor in Paradise” cast member-turned-husband Jared Haibon came to a head after the two had gotten to know each other a little better.
“I think a lot of people think that chemistry is something that you feel right off the bat. In my relationship with my husband in “Bachelor in Paradise,” it was interesting because I knew there was compatibility. But my nerves got in the way of chemistry,” says Iaconetti-Haibon, who also owns Audrey’s Coffee House and Lounge in Rhode Island.
Life post-show can become challenging, and couples often need more time before saying “I do,” Higgins says.
“I think it’s [the show]This is a great way meet people who will be your partner for life. I don’t know anybody that’s gotten right off the show — even if they’re so confident in that moment that this is the person for them — and says ‘Hey, let’s get married next week,’” says Higgins, AutorThis is Alone in plain sight: Looking for ConnectivityWhen You Are Seen, But Not Known.
Things have changed greatly since the franchise began and “Bachelor” stars often gain a social media following from the show. While this can raise eyebrows about a person’s motives for applying, season six Bachelorette Ali Fedotowsky-Manno says the answer isn’t black and white – nor does it have to be.
“At the end of the day, if someone’s on the show and they’re not really into you, you’re going to be able to sniff that out. If somebody’s on the show for fame and they actually fall in love with you, you’ll feel that too,” she says.
The fact that there have been a number of successful “Bachelor” franchise couples is notable within itself, according to Fedotowsky-Manno, who is also co-owner of 1to3 Life Hydration Accelerator, a low-calorie electrolyte drink mix.
“If you look at the statistic a little bit differently and think about, out of all the men you’ve met in your life, that you randomly met at a bar, how many did you end up dating and how many did you end up engaged to?” she says.
Higgins says that although his “Bachelor” journey didn’t end in true love, his experience ultimately led him to his wife, Jessica.
“How I found my wife was, post-show, looking at, OK, this is what I thought during the show when I had 30 people to get to know and work alongside to see if we could work. This was what I searched for back then. It didn’t work. What can I do? And I found it.”
Don’t be ashamed to be you
Being authentic and presenting the truest version of yourself can save “Bachelor” relationships, and “real-life” couples, from turmoil down the line, says Strachowski.
“If I pretend that I’m the cool chick that doesn’t need anything, eventually I will blindside my partner. I can only sustain that ‘pretend me’ for so long. Ask for what you need and want. No apologies.”
