For all the F.R.I.E.N.D.S fans out there, I have some bad news: I despise the series. Perhaps, there are very few shows that I would vehemently disagree with, and F.R.I.E.N.D.S tops the list. Before you try to run after me with pitchforks or leave this page before I give my opinions, hear me out. While I understand the reasons and circumstances under which the show was created, it still did not entice me enough to even consider it an ‘icon’, as many of you claim it to be.
Before you use the B-word (or if you have already), let me explain.
The year was (circa) 2014 when F.R.I.E.N.D.S was one of the most trending topics. Naturally, given its sheer popularity, a dash of peer pressure leading me to finally give in. It was years before I saw Seinfield or The Office, so I watched the series with a fresh perspective and kept an open mind the whole time. I saw all the seasons to be relevant in my clique: things every 19-year-old does in desperation, I suppose. While I faked my enthusiasm and laughed which such intensity that my friends bought the act, deep down, I disliked the show from the very beginning.
The first thing I didn’t get was why these guys would always turn up at the damn coffee house. I understand that you and your peers always have a ‘hang out’ place in mind, but that same couch and coffee house seemed like a far-fetched idea. As someone who is now in her mid-20s, I rarely have the chance or the opportunity to go hang out with my friends every week. So, how are these people such extroverts?
While this is just a surface-level issue, let me dig a bit deeper in terms of the whole plot and its cultural impact. Even those who have not seen the show are aware that Rachel and Ross fought over whether they were on a break on not. It’s now been 20 years, and I see so many memes and debates around it, which tells us a bit about how F.R.I.E.N.D.S set a precedence for many things.
Firstly, the idea of being ‘on a break’ has become so misconstrued that people use this as an excuse to be a-holes. The same goes for ‘it’s not you, it is me.’ Due to F.R.I.E.N.D.S popularity, people even today think that a ‘break’ means you can get back with someone without consequences. The term ‘break’, colloquially, has gathered such negative connotations that even I had once feared saying it because of its implication. A ‘break’ today means that you are no longer seeing one another, thus, one is free to do as one pleases. It’s like getting a rebound while being able to get back with that person. But this is not how the real world works, yet, people continue to do this because it’s a ‘normal’ thing as per today’s standard.
Secondly, the series’ ten arduously long seasons have never truly pointed out the emotional consequences of one’s actions. For a show that’s supposed to be warm and funny, it lacks emotional depth. There are probably only a few episodes where I genuinely felt happy or sad for the character, but otherwise, I never really cared. People their age, as they are figuring out their lives, should have been a bit more emotionally mature. Yet, I rarely saw that. For instance, Ross keeps whining about every damn thing and only owes up his mistakes years later. Phoebe’s attitude is too casual about everything in her life, including the arc about her parents. I know a few friends who have lost their parents, but when they speak of it, there are some emotions involved. No matter how tough their exterior is, there are some feelings that Phoebe lacks.
Thirdly, friends with benefits have become some ugly tv trope today. Throughout the entire series, everyone was sleeping around with everyone, and they all knew this. While I know this is common, I do not get how there are no repercussions for their actions. There are jealousies or awkwardness because this is your long-time friend. For instance, Joey loves Rachel, and they have sex. Yet, when she was back with Ross, Joey’s actions felt so off. If I were in such a situation with a guy, I would gradually distance myself because this is emotionally too much to handle. There is bound to be a wall between me and the man I supposedly love. Moreover, the guy, too, would certainly avoid having me and his current partner in the room.
When the show ended, they tried to circle back to where they began: Rachel and Monica. I remember a scene where the two were crying about how Monica now has to live with ‘a boy’, and I can’t recall a time when my friends cried like that. They were so happy to move on with their lives. Sure, there was nostalgia but not as cringy as seen in the show. It just makes the idea of one wanting to move forward seem in bad taste, when it should not be the case. For example, when my friend was moving out of the city for her new job, I gifted her a compass as she tended to miss judge directions. Once, she was lost in Nepal. Our goodbye was teary because all I wrote for her was: May you always find your way back home. There was a moment of silence and appreciation, and that little gesture is something she remembers even today. She knew I was sad, but I was hoping she would return. Despite our hesitance, our closest friends will go places because that is just life. People become busy, and eventually, your phones only ring during festivals. But when the series ended, the show barely touched upon it this nitty-gritty.
Lastly, and more importantly, F.R.I.E.N.D.S, much to my dismay, is a cultural phenomenon. It means that young individuals are watching it or will watch it at some point because their senior, their uncle or simply peer pressure is asking them to give it a chance. When you are 20-something, your idea of self-identity is on testing water. You are in the midst of figuring things out. So when a show like F.R.I.E.N.D.S tells you that Chandler is the cool guy because he is sarcastic, a young boy with repressed emotions would do so without truly realising that Chandler instead needs therapy. Moreover, it stereotypes the idea of freedom and liberation and what it means to live in your 20s. It tries to serve the notion of ‘everything falls into its place’ on a silver platter with not-so-funny jokes, yet it forgets that each individual has to go through several hardships before comprehending their depths.
If you have managed to stay with me this far, you must have realised this criticism comes from a place of concern, rather than me questioning the ability of either the cast or the writers. When you call a series ‘pop culture’, which will be watched by millions from every corner of the seven continents, you must realise that it will seep into their subconsciousness, setting precedence for many actions they will take. Sure, we live in a woke world where people understand the consequences of their choices, but we are heavily bombarded with information that sometimes we turn to F.R.I.E.N.D.S to take a break. Even when you know that many things said and done are not entirely correct, you are bound to pick it up. It is how we function. But when you apply these things to your life, you are impacting others.
F.R.I.E.N.D.S, since its launch, has rarely taken the onus of this. People reacted positively, as they felt they were seeing individuals like them on a larger scene, which wasn’t the case. It’s also selling the American dream to those living outside the country. Thus, affecting their perspective in myriad ways about what is acceptable or should be. But every change is not necessarily good. For instance, the idea of chilling in coffee shops to bunk classes gradually infiltrated our minds because they did the same in F.R.I.E.N.D.S. That is okay to be crude and sarcastic all the time because you are smart and can’t confront your issues. All pretty people are dumb (look at Rachel and Joey’s arc), which plays into stereotypes.
There is a lot of bull crap out there, but it hasn’t reached the status this show has, which makes everything far more complicated. My opinion may not change your mind, but I, at the least, hope that makes you look at it with a little more scrutiny because this cycle will continue. However, I hope that you take a moment to reflect rather than surrender to a wave of emotions without having an ounce of realisation that problematic behaviour is the new ‘normal’ or ‘trend’.
